Happy Turkey Day.
Yeah, you thought I woud put you down like an old barking dog, but this is Thanksgiving and it's almost like we're distant cousins through marriage.
So, you're wondering what Dr. Juice is thankful for. Well I will give you a few things I am thankful for in no particular order.
*IATF you needing me.
*IATF the universal mental healthcare I am giving.
*IATF situations where Bar-b-que sauce &/or gravy are needed.
*IATF momma nem.
Enough about me, I am here to help you. Here is a tip that will help everyone understnand what You Should Be Thankful For.
YSBTF people making appropriate underwear decisions around you. Ladies, YSBTF for boxers or boxer and brief combos. I know you are thinking, "Tighty Whiteys are not cool." Well, they also make men's bikini briefs that will have your man looking like he's hiding an old phone reciever from the basement, with the curly cord, in his draws. You know, the coffee filter with loose grinds along the thigh. Again, YSBTF regular undies.(NO HOMO just facts lol)
Fellas! Yeah, some of y'all feel you can't lose with women's underwear. At the worst, she won't have any on or you keep thinking about how to get in the panties while getting her out of the panties. See, that's why I am the doctor.
Often times, no draws isn't for panty lines, it is because she won't do laundry. Yeah, I said it. And while you are behind closed doors smelling bras and putting them on top of your head like a New Era 5150 D cup fitted, keep in mind you might be filling your lungs with a combo of breast sweat from the Tuesday before last and body spray.
So fellas, YSBTF clean underwear of any kind Yeah, matching is cool, but see, if she is wearing the colors of your favorite sports team she can be your own personal cheerleader.
You know: Yellow panties + blue bra = Hail to the Victors
Now go score that touchdown.
So, what have we learned with this?
One, Find situations where you can use gravy or Bar-b-que sauce.
Two, if she is wearing green panties and a white bra, let her know, "THIS IS SPARTA!" After that, you already know what time it is.
Three, if you can see upper and outter thigh and what looks like those 5 missing tea bags can be found on your man because of a lack of fabric coverage, it is time to go shopping.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
THE CHEAP WAY OUT
At this point in the game I think I’m going to bring out a friend of mine. Y’all - Nurse Nectar. Nurse Nectar - Y’all. Me and Nurse Nectar go way back like Thunder Cats like red light green light, like freeze tag ya dig. Yeah, it has been that long.
Now before yall start wondering if you know Nurse Nectar, the answer is no. We didn’t all go to different school together or anything like that. In fact, Nurse Nectar was home schooled in a decent neighborhood.
What else? Oh yeah, I’m reading your mind. You want to know if Nurse Nectar is a male or female? Well, there is a shortage of male nurses in the field, so, you never know. However, you will find out soon, as we begin to solve the issues Nurse Nectar is having. For right now, it doesn't matter.
See the truth of the matter is, Nurse Nectar is pretty smart, but somehow manages to make critical mistakes that cause stress in relationships. That’s why Dr Juice is here. So here’s an example of a conversation between the two of us.
NN: Hey!
DJ: What up doe?
NN: Yeah, I’m having trouble figuring out what to do about my date.
DJ: Tell me more.
NN: My date always orders the most expensive stuff on the menu.
DJ: Then choose a cheaper restaurant.
NN: Thanks Dr. Juice!
DJ: No problem
So if you get caught in this dilemma, here’s what you do. There are many exit plans you can use, but I’ll share with you a few.
here comes the drink selection first question you ask is "WHAT ARE YOUR DRINK SPECIALS?"
a indirect way of sayin u better choose one of the above if you want a drink but what does your date do order a damn $18 mojito or sumthin like that.
now I know yall wonderin on how can i nip this drink situation in the butt wit out lookin cheap as hell well here ya go:
tell your date that the drinks are really watered down and you wouldnt even waste your time ordering an alcoholic drink like that because they are not the HIGH prices that they are being charged "put an emphasis on the price that they cost" and say that you brought in your own liquor so order a lemonade and you will be that persons personal bartender (its cheap but cute makes the other person feel kind of important)
tell waiter/waitress that your date is 20 and that their ID is fake and ask them do they want to get fired for serving to a minor "but do it in a jokingly manner that does not raise any suspicion of you being cheap"
Now, I’m sure we’ve all been there. Male or female, and going out on a date where it was our turn to pay and the person wants to order up the entire third page of the menu, with no regard for the 2 for $20 hint you just gave by ordering a $7.00 cheeseburger you could get at McDonalds for $4.00 or in a kidding manner say you can have whateva you want from the kids menu and based upon the reaction that you get go from there. Maybe when you spoke about going with spinach dip for an appetizer they thought you were buying based on a baller’s budget. So what did they do? They order meats from two different animals You know… Steak and Shrimp. Ribs and Chicken. All this because you ordered Ham and Burger you lookin at ya date like this motherfucka right here takin my kindness for fullness.
1. Excuse yourself to go to the bathroom right after the waitress leaves. Find the waitress and give her five dollars to say that they’re out of one of the meats your date has chosen. Then come back to hear the bad news and make some compliments to your date like saying, “You’re got me feeling spicy like a fire cracker shrimp.” Or, “You’re as tender as a chicken strip.”
2. Excuse yourself to the bathroom and resort to the tried and true… Fake the stomach ache! Yeah, you saw something in the bathroom that is making this entire place smell bad enough to have you call Earl collect. Add in the fact that the person in there ate the same thing your date just ordered. Explain that you need fresh air quickly and ask the date to go to the waitress and cancel the order.
3. if all else fails complain find the smallest thing wrong and you take that and run wit it it has worked for me in the past I had $40 for my homecoming date my date ordered her ass of so I complained that there was something wrong with my food I got my food for free and had to pay for hers and saving me a nice $20
Once you’re in the car and on your way elsewhere you can decide if you feel good enough to get some French Fries from McDonalds and a Sprite to calm your stomach or you go healthy and hit a local subway for the $5 footlongs. Let your date order what they want and you’re out of the situation for under $10.00.
So, what have we learned here today? Any date that orders 2 or more meats is greedy and needs to be paying for the meal. When all else fails, Fake the Ache.
We’ve also learned that sometimes we need to consult with someone when we have a problem. And in this case, consult with a doctor... Dr. Juice that is.
Now before yall start wondering if you know Nurse Nectar, the answer is no. We didn’t all go to different school together or anything like that. In fact, Nurse Nectar was home schooled in a decent neighborhood.
What else? Oh yeah, I’m reading your mind. You want to know if Nurse Nectar is a male or female? Well, there is a shortage of male nurses in the field, so, you never know. However, you will find out soon, as we begin to solve the issues Nurse Nectar is having. For right now, it doesn't matter.
See the truth of the matter is, Nurse Nectar is pretty smart, but somehow manages to make critical mistakes that cause stress in relationships. That’s why Dr Juice is here. So here’s an example of a conversation between the two of us.
NN: Hey!
DJ: What up doe?
NN: Yeah, I’m having trouble figuring out what to do about my date.
DJ: Tell me more.
NN: My date always orders the most expensive stuff on the menu.
DJ: Then choose a cheaper restaurant.
NN: Thanks Dr. Juice!
DJ: No problem
So if you get caught in this dilemma, here’s what you do. There are many exit plans you can use, but I’ll share with you a few.
here comes the drink selection first question you ask is "WHAT ARE YOUR DRINK SPECIALS?"
a indirect way of sayin u better choose one of the above if you want a drink but what does your date do order a damn $18 mojito or sumthin like that.
now I know yall wonderin on how can i nip this drink situation in the butt wit out lookin cheap as hell well here ya go:
tell your date that the drinks are really watered down and you wouldnt even waste your time ordering an alcoholic drink like that because they are not the HIGH prices that they are being charged "put an emphasis on the price that they cost" and say that you brought in your own liquor so order a lemonade and you will be that persons personal bartender (its cheap but cute makes the other person feel kind of important)
tell waiter/waitress that your date is 20 and that their ID is fake and ask them do they want to get fired for serving to a minor "but do it in a jokingly manner that does not raise any suspicion of you being cheap"
Now, I’m sure we’ve all been there. Male or female, and going out on a date where it was our turn to pay and the person wants to order up the entire third page of the menu, with no regard for the 2 for $20 hint you just gave by ordering a $7.00 cheeseburger you could get at McDonalds for $4.00 or in a kidding manner say you can have whateva you want from the kids menu and based upon the reaction that you get go from there. Maybe when you spoke about going with spinach dip for an appetizer they thought you were buying based on a baller’s budget. So what did they do? They order meats from two different animals You know… Steak and Shrimp. Ribs and Chicken. All this because you ordered Ham and Burger you lookin at ya date like this motherfucka right here takin my kindness for fullness.
1. Excuse yourself to go to the bathroom right after the waitress leaves. Find the waitress and give her five dollars to say that they’re out of one of the meats your date has chosen. Then come back to hear the bad news and make some compliments to your date like saying, “You’re got me feeling spicy like a fire cracker shrimp.” Or, “You’re as tender as a chicken strip.”
2. Excuse yourself to the bathroom and resort to the tried and true… Fake the stomach ache! Yeah, you saw something in the bathroom that is making this entire place smell bad enough to have you call Earl collect. Add in the fact that the person in there ate the same thing your date just ordered. Explain that you need fresh air quickly and ask the date to go to the waitress and cancel the order.
3. if all else fails complain find the smallest thing wrong and you take that and run wit it it has worked for me in the past I had $40 for my homecoming date my date ordered her ass of so I complained that there was something wrong with my food I got my food for free and had to pay for hers and saving me a nice $20
Once you’re in the car and on your way elsewhere you can decide if you feel good enough to get some French Fries from McDonalds and a Sprite to calm your stomach or you go healthy and hit a local subway for the $5 footlongs. Let your date order what they want and you’re out of the situation for under $10.00.
So, what have we learned here today? Any date that orders 2 or more meats is greedy and needs to be paying for the meal. When all else fails, Fake the Ache.
We’ve also learned that sometimes we need to consult with someone when we have a problem. And in this case, consult with a doctor... Dr. Juice that is.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
self value and self worth
Ok I know its been a while but we bout to get right back on to it. Now I need every body to go to the book of color chapter purple Lets get it. Today im talking bout self value and self worth when it comes to the opposite sex now I know I aint no relationship expert but I am a doctor though but game recognize game. You ever get at somebody when you met them the vibe was right and all but you call too soon or make ya self too available and things don’t work out (its happened to everybody even Dr juice). This topic came about when my dear lil cuz came to me for advice he said that he met this girl at his school and they hit it off from the get go and so he thought he would he ask her to go to the movies with him she said yea. Now what he did to fuck everything up was that he made his self too available bringing his self value down.
He told me that he got her number on Wednesday and was calling her on Friday big mistake everybody knows about the two day rule but lemme be the first to say FUCK the two day rule. The problem with the two day rule is that even tho u wait 2 days it still makes you seem a lil desperate like you was counting down the days to call, shit you prolly had the number d
ialed in ya phone but was too scared to push talk sitting there like a damn fool debating on calling. Back to the story he said that she was busy and couldn’t do it, so for the next month and a half he would call her and ask to go to the movies and she would tell him no she was busy. The more he made his self available the less she wanted to see him and thought of him as a bug a boo. He made it seem like his highlight of the month would be taking her to the movies which is a big mistake.
What he should of done was got the number waited a while to call her and ask her to the movies. Its not like he wasn’t going to see her they went to school together if he would of asked her and then not said nothing about it to her for a while 9 times out of 10 she would of asked him about the movies. Then all he had to say was he has been busy as hell doing some other shit but when he get a free weekend he got her (right there that says that he got more important things to do then to take her to the movies). Bringing his self value up shifting the momentum his way.
He met a new girl and got her number similar situation arouse he wanted to take her to the movies (he still in high school too young to drive so all he can do is go to the movies if u wondering) I told him to eventually make plans with her to go and then to cancel them and say that something important came up and then when she asks to reschedule tell her he got a party or something to go to even if he doesn’t then the day after call her and tell her that he had the time of his life even if he was at home on punishment and make plans but don’t cancel them. He did that and now he said they have been on several dates
Now im not saying to be an ass hole but the less available you are in most cases plays to your benefit it puts the ball in your court you want the other person to wonder about you be intrigued to learn more about you. You don’t want to put everything out there the first time you talk because getting to know some one is the important part like when u meet someone the first 5 or so times you talk to them on the phone the convo’s are long as hell wit time they get shorter and shorter. You got to keep them interested in you people get bored too quick especially when it comes to somebody who wants to tell you their life story in one conversation. Over doing it can cause people to go and look else where so you have to know when to hold’em and when to fold’em don’t fuck up sumthin nice trying to over do it THOSE ARE THE DR‘S ORDERS..
He told me that he got her number on Wednesday and was calling her on Friday big mistake everybody knows about the two day rule but lemme be the first to say FUCK the two day rule. The problem with the two day rule is that even tho u wait 2 days it still makes you seem a lil desperate like you was counting down the days to call, shit you prolly had the number d
ialed in ya phone but was too scared to push talk sitting there like a damn fool debating on calling. Back to the story he said that she was busy and couldn’t do it, so for the next month and a half he would call her and ask to go to the movies and she would tell him no she was busy. The more he made his self available the less she wanted to see him and thought of him as a bug a boo. He made it seem like his highlight of the month would be taking her to the movies which is a big mistake.What he should of done was got the number waited a while to call her and ask her to the movies. Its not like he wasn’t going to see her they went to school together if he would of asked her and then not said nothing about it to her for a while 9 times out of 10 she would of asked him about the movies. Then all he had to say was he has been busy as hell doing some other shit but when he get a free weekend he got her (right there that says that he got more important things to do then to take her to the movies). Bringing his self value up shifting the momentum his way.
He met a new girl and got her number similar situation arouse he wanted to take her to the movies (he still in high school too young to drive so all he can do is go to the movies if u wondering) I told him to eventually make plans with her to go and then to cancel them and say that something important came up and then when she asks to reschedule tell her he got a party or something to go to even if he doesn’t then the day after call her and tell her that he had the time of his life even if he was at home on punishment and make plans but don’t cancel them. He did that and now he said they have been on several dates
Now im not saying to be an ass hole but the less available you are in most cases plays to your benefit it puts the ball in your court you want the other person to wonder about you be intrigued to learn more about you. You don’t want to put everything out there the first time you talk because getting to know some one is the important part like when u meet someone the first 5 or so times you talk to them on the phone the convo’s are long as hell wit time they get shorter and shorter. You got to keep them interested in you people get bored too quick especially when it comes to somebody who wants to tell you their life story in one conversation. Over doing it can cause people to go and look else where so you have to know when to hold’em and when to fold’em don’t fuck up sumthin nice trying to over do it THOSE ARE THE DR‘S ORDERS..
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